Silver Linings

It could have been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. After all, I cried eight times between the hours of 9am and 11am. But in between the rain showers were silver linings.

• Kindness of strangers
• Compassionate nurses
• A loving mom
• A sweet text from my BESTEST
• Support from my dad and sister
• A doctor who heard my concerns and thinks I'm worth fighting for
• A God who has not and never will forsaken me

I was so sure that I would be able to make this doctor/chemo appointment on my own and when things began to fall apart, it took me a while to dial the phone and call in the calvary. In part because I still wanted to be strong enough. Why is it so important to do things on my own, I kept asking myself. Because giving in feels like a slippery slope especially when I'm facing such an uphill battle.

This morning I got up with so much hope. Even after a night that ended in such pain that I could hardly get dressed for bed, I was thankful that despite my discomfort, I'm happy and that Brie can see that. Still at breakfast, I had me a good talking to with God, asking him why he hasn't he healed both Kim and I. 

As I sat there, head bowed, at first I couldn't pray at all. As I asked God to understand that I had no words, they suddenly just started flowing. My frustrations, my hurts, my impatience. It felt so good to get them off my chest. Because even though I believe and trust in him, it doesn't mean I don't like that what I'm going through. I don't. It sucks. 

But it could be worse. When the nurse asked me if there was someone I could call. There was. And they both came. My heavenly father and my earthly mother.