Saturday, February first, twenty fourteen. January began with much angst, but the reality was, the first ten days or so of the month were much kinder and positive than I could have imagined. This is why it's best to take things just one day at a time especially when I know things can turn one way or another with literally a blink of an eye.
The hardest part of January has been the discouragement I have felt. In my current state, moving around is difficult, painful, tiring. Just the thought of going anywhere wears on my mind. The bulk of my days are spent on this recliner which is becoming my prison, albeit a comfortable one at that. I long to go to the beach, walk along the ocean, the sound of the wave beating new life into my heart.
But even more than that, I long for the joy that I experienced late last year. At a time when I would have thought all was lost, I held tight to my confident hope in God. As the days continue, my confidence in him is still there, but my joy is not. The other day I tried to be angry, but I couldn't be. I know he is working in my life. I know he is here with me each and every step of the way. I know there is purpose to all of this. But I am weary right now. I need a reprieve. I need joy again.
It's the first day of February, the month of love and I want this month to be the month in which I love upon those around me, whether they be family and friends, co-workers, neighbors, acquaintances, strangers or those who grate on my nerves. I want to find love with my camera again. I want to get out on sunny days and on the days that I can't get out, make better use of my time at home, writing, reading, not just sitting and doing much of nothing. I want to find joy again.