Today I was feeling anything but merry and bright. It really didn't hit me until the end of my work day, but at approximately 4:07pm, whatever light I had in my heart was extinguished and the darkness came even as the sun outside was still shining.
All I could think about was how tired I was, how laborious it was to walk, to stand, to do much of anything, how our house was still not decorated, cookies had not been baked, and did I mention, how tired I was? From doing what? Obviously, not much of anything. Even if I wanted to, walking and standing are any but pleasant, making everything, even the things I love to do, a chore. Yes, the pity party was in full swing, complete with a four-string quartet.
Earlier in the day, I had thought about going to a coffee shop I love who had posted a picture of a Turkish latte that looked intriguing, but I couldn't muster up the strength to go there. Instead a trip to the drive thru Starbucks and the drive thru Baskin & Robbins seemed to be more in order. No need to put any make up on and no need to park and walk to the establishment.
Thankfully, mom didn't try to talk me out of my plan. She understood that sometimes you just need to comfort yourself with ice cream. And steaming hot coffee.
On the way there, my mind drifted to my daily devotional and how it called me to draw myself to God when I'm feeling disconnected, lonely, lost, disappointed, forlorn, sad, and everything else in between. The tears flowed as I drove.
Then I thought about how just a few weeks ago, the drive to the Starbucks was painful and scary. Now I drive with confidence and no fear. I thought about how I could barely walk and now, yes, it is laborious, but a few weeks ago, I would have been happy to walk as I am today. And I began thanking God for all He had done and all he continues to do.
My world became bright again. I went through my drive thrus, came home, polished off my ice cream and spent a little time ordering another Christmas gift and taking out a few of the Christmas decorations.
Bright. I'll take it over the darkness anytime.