Wednesday, August 8, 2012

So Hard to Get Back on the Wagon

Every day I think about writing. And every day I don't. It's why I didn't want to stop. For the first 6 weeks, I was busy. High school graduation, the birth of my second grandchild, a trip to Italy, a trip to Boston, family visiting. Then I needed to take a break, catch my breath, and every day I would tell myself, today, you write...make that tomorrow....tomorrow....tomorrow. Until it's been over two months since my last post.

It doesn't help that after 7 months of feeling in the groove, I feel as though I've hit a creative wall. Haven't done much in the way of photography, zip on writing even though I think about both almost every day. I feel so frustrated. I went out and bought this iMac thinking that would inspire me, even though I should have known better. It did nothing but make me feel even worse. So now here I sit, at a point where I feel whining out loud is better than going one more day without writing.

I want my fingers to fly across the page as they did in March, April and May. Perhaps I should start at the day when this all began. With the graduation and what a wonderful day it turned out to be.

By the time the graduation had arrived, I had resigned myself to the fact that Matthew would not be able to make it. His baby girl had not arrived and was officially a week late. With Palm Desert almost two hours away there was no way I could ask him to find a way to come. The morning was spent where the night had left off, preparing for the friends and family that were going to come over. I had just driven all the way out to the meat market for carne asada only to find out it was out of business. WHAT?!?!? Remain calm, I told myself as I called Brienne to see if she could ask a friend to recommend a place.

As I was cruising through the parking lot trying to find the meat market Brie's friend's family recommended, I received the call that put me into tears. It was Matthew. He didn't want me to tell Brie, just in case at the last minute things fell through, but he was planning to come to the graduation with Maximus. I was overjoyed, but didn't want to tell anyone else just in case it fell through. It didn't matter that I didn't have a graduation ticket for him. If God was letting him come, he would find a way to let him in.

And find a way, he did. I had just arrived at school for the graduation when Matt called to tell me he was 10 minutes away. Right then I ran into some of the girls from the cheer team. Finally, all the years of cheer paid off. The girls were able to get me into the field so I was able to use my ticket for Matt. Just in case the baby decided to come, I took a picture of him in the stands as proof to Brie that her brother had come. It's a horrible shot, but it means so much to me. I had him hold the graduation program so there was no doubt that he was there.

My cup runneth over. My daughter was graduating and seemed to be back on track. My son and grandson was there to celebrate with us. We were surrounded by family and friends who loved and supported us.

After the ceremony we went looking for Brie. It was a sea of graduates, family and friends. The light was perfect, but I was busy being mom and didn't get even a quarter of the pictures I envisioned. Not one picture of me and the kids. No matter, I got this one of Matt, Brie and Max.

And this one of Brie and my mom.

And this one of Brie when she realized that Matt and Max made it to her graduation.

And a few others, but mostly I have the memories in my heart.

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