The Place I Call My Own

We all have that place. The place we go that soothes our soul, that stirs our heart, that calls to us when we need lifting or just want to celebrate life.

For me that place is the beach. Not the beach at summer time, but the beach at winter, spring and fall. When the crowds are light and there is unimpeded access from the sand to the shore. Doesn't matter if it's sunny and clear or cloudy and grey. In some ways, I like it better when there is some cloud cover. For me it adds character and interest. It becomes soulful.

It's the roar of the ocean, the salt in the air, the smell of bonfires and the possibility of a sunset. If I could be there at the golden hour, I would, watching the sun fall slowly into the horizon.

The last two weekends have been like heaven to me as I've finally been able to make it to the shore. I haven't been able to make it through to sunset, but still it's been wonderful.

It makes me want more. Looking forward to February when my cousin and I are planning to spend the weekend at the beach, writing and relaxing. But now I'm thinking that maybe I want to rent a beach house for a week and open it up to whoever wants to come visit.

Now that would be heaven on earth.

The Me I See

I try not to dwell on the negative. Note: the words "try" and "negative". The truth is, I'm human. I'm not perfect and there are times when I just don't want to do this. But, it is what it is, and if that's what I focus on then I'm doomed.

So I choose to pick myself up by thinking about the positive, being thankful for the little things. Yes, I limp, but I can walk. No I can't carry my grandchildren, but I'm able to kiss and hold them. Yes, there are times when moving around hurts, but when I'm sitting I'm usually comfortable. Which often allows me to feel like things are normal. As I type this, I feel normal which means, I'm often taken aback by the person I see in mirrors, shadows or anything that reflects my image.

Hunched over, I've aged tremendously over the last three, four months and while there are times I feel every bit of that age, there are many times when I don't. Which is crazy when I think that I challenged myself of all years to do a self portrait each week. I see so many beautiful self-portraits of ordinary people and when I try to take them, I look angry, unhappy or mad which is not how I feel at all.

Towards, the end of last year, my bestie sent me a picture she took of me when we were at Siena last year. I was blown away for the me I see in her picture is the me I see when I think of myself. It's hard to imagine that this was taken just 7-months ago.

I am shy, but behind my camera, I become a bit more bold, minimal make-up, curly crazy hair. Not a spring chick, but youthful. This is the me I see. This is the me I want to be again. I may have to wait for a long, long time, but as long as I'm alive, this is the me I will believe I am.

Taking the Shot

Been finally getting around to downloading (or is it uploading? I always get so confused) my photos from my DSLR and editing them. It's rather like finding hidden treasures.

This one was taken on January 2 in Old Pasadena as I waited for Vic and Sharonda who were checking out the floats from the Rose Parade. As I walked up and down Colorado Blvd, I came upon a little hamburger joint. The insecure, unsure me would have paused and moment and walked on by.

But I had made a decision already that this year would be different so the resolute, determined me stood at the door, lifted my camera and took the picture, without caring so much what others thought.

I'm glad I did. It's a reminder to me that I need to do this more often. It's the 16th of January and I'm still embracing the New Year.

The Evening Sky

The evening sky...It never fails to take my breath away, to draw me closer to the Lord. I wonder about all those years that went by that I missed the beauty of the moment. Even when I know that tomorrow will bring another sunset, I still can't help but want to capture the one that is before me. Even when I know that no camera will bring it the true justice that my eyes see, I still continue to try.

Reliving the Moment

It was the day that I had longed for throughout the end of 2012. Just one day where I felt some semblance of normal. I had hoped and prayed, but I was beginning to believe that day would never come.

And then, when I least expected it, God answered my prayers. The day started with rain and such gray cloudy skies that I half expected that we would call off our plans to get together with the girls. Much to my delight, no one was backing out. By the time everyone arrived at the house, the clouds had dissipated and the sun was in its glory.

The girls had planned for us to go to McClain's, but Denise had a better idea...a trip to The Langham, a beautiful hotel nestled in the hills of San Marino. First we had a leisurely lunch...

Followed by a walk along the grounds of the hotel. The girls were laughing and happy, as were us moms, thankful to be spending time together.

It wasn't until sometime during the walk that I realized, I was not limping along wondering when I would have a chance to sit down again.

I cry even as I write this so thankful for that day. I wish I could say that the next day I walked unimpeded, but I can say this, every day I am getting stronger. Every day walking is a little easier.

I have hope. And for that I am thankful.

Conversations with Max

Got a call from this little cutie pie yesterday.

The moment he started babbling away, I started to chuckle.

I know he had some very important things to say because he talked almost non-stop. Unfortunately, much of which I couldn't understand.

Not that it mattered because just to hear the sound of his sweet little voice was like music to my ears.

I love being a grandma.

Mi Familia

If there is one thing I wish, it's that our family wasn't separated by so many miles. Except for the years when we were out of state, my childhood was filled with family gatherings almost every weekend. It was rare that a week would go by when we didn't see at least one aunt or uncle.

Which is why it was especially wonderful to spend the first day of 2013 with both my brothers and their families.

I love being a sister. And a sister-in-law.

I love being an aunt. And the fact that we have babies in the house again.

I love the light at my brother's house.

Did I mention that I love having babies around again?

I love wrap around porches.

I love mi familia!