Friday's Letters

Dear Westin Rancho Mirage,

You're a lovely resort with beautiful grounds, spacious, tastefully decorated rooms and friendly employees. I love that you offer fantastic rates through Priceline which I've been able to take advantage of twice now. But $7.55 for a tube of toothpaste is outrageous. For that price, I should get a oral hygienist who brushes my teeth too.

Dear Starbuck,

I've fallen in love with a new coffeehouse. Their dark roast brew is nowhere as delicious and steaming hot as yours, but they make a mocha that absolutely rocks my tastebuds. On top of that, they serve it as it should be served if you're drinking it there, in a real mug, not a paper cup. The ambience of the coffee house is so inviting, I love kicking back and enjoying every drop of the liquid goodness. Luckily for you, there is currently only one location, so I'll still be stopping by every morning on my way to the office and perhaps on other occasions, but Saturday or Sundays will belong to Dripp.

Dear Greece,

We're seriously considering coming to visit you this summer. It's hard to make a commitment when I'm concerned about the amount of walking my body can take, but I'm thinking if we visit one of your islands or a city along the beach, we can do less sightseeing and act more like a local. But if I visit you then it's unlikely that I can take a road trip to the East or Pacific NW like I've been dreaming. What to do? What to do?

Dear Chemo,

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I know that I shouldn't because it seems that you are doing what it is that you're supposed to do. And at least this time you didn't make my hair fall out. So why should I complain? What more do I want? I could do without the nausea and fatigue. Thank you anyway for the job that your doing.

Dear In-N-Out,

You're what a hamburger is all about.

The Long Walk

After a week off, you would think I would ready. But I'm not. I want another week off. I want this to be completely done. I know I should be thankful. Thankful for my insurance. Thankful for the care I receive. Thankful that compared to other options, this one isn't so bad.

After a long day at the office, a long, slow drive home, the last thing I want is to drag myself to the lab for a blood test. If anyone asks, I act as though is no big deal, because that's the truth. It's not a big deal. It's one little prick with a needle. It doesn't hurt, it just feels uncomfortable as the vials are changed. It's just a quick two minutes and it's over and done. So why do I hate it so much?

Because I know it's just the beginning? The precursor to tomorrow when the chemo flows through my port into my blood. Where fatigue will later set in and possibly nausea. Yes, my body is "tolerating" it well, but the truth is, sometimes my brain doesn't. Tonight was one of those nights.

Tonight, it was a long walk to the lab.

Finding Purpose

All of us want to find our purpose in life. Depending on the job that we have, most of us want it to be something more than what we do for a living. I like my job. Sometimes, I love it. Sometimes, I get frustrated with it, but I always want something more than it.

There is a desire in most of us to create. What we desires differ from person to person, but ultimately we have a desire to create, whether it be to write, paint, draw, build, make, play an instrument, act, photograph. I believe this is because we are created in the likeness of God who is the ultimate creator. 

When we know our days are numbered, the desire to find out purpose becomes even stronger, even more meaningful. Every day it gnaws at me. Most days I feel I fall short. Yesterday was one of those days. 

But the beauty of it all is that today doesn't need to be a replica of yesterday, regardless of how many yesterdays we had. If there is something that you've wanted to do, I pray that you have another day to try it again. 

Micro Mini Vacation

Thursday afternoon, I shut my computer down promptly at 4pm, threw some things into my overnight bag and Brie and I drove off to the desert for a mini micro vacation with my babies.

I can't get enough of them. Our Aurora is such a little cutie pie.

So sweet and happy. And her eyes, her eyes...

I was able to book the Westin in Rancho Mirage for under $100. Friday was perfect pool weather. 

It was so fun hearing their laughter, watching them play.

Check out was at 12pm which worked out well. By that time, the little ones were getting tired and everyone was getting hungry. 

After lunch, Aurora went down for a nap and Brie and I took Maximus for a ride on the wagon.

Our intention was to take Max to the neighborhood park.

Matt warned us that it was a bit of a walk, suggesting that we take the car. I thought he was underestimating my endurance. 

Turns out he knew what he knew what he was talking about. We had to turn around after several blocks. 

By the time we returned to the house, we were hot, sweaty, thirsty and tired. 

We kicked back, watching Toy Story as we dozed off and on, munching on homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Nothing makes me happier than being with my family.

Friday's Letters

Stealing this idea from a wonderful blog I happened upon in which I write short little letters to anyone and/or anything that I desire.

Dear Palm Desert,

Thank you for consistently providing gorgeous blue skies with beautiful mountain ridges that take my breath away. After the gloom of the week, your welcoming weather is just what I needed. Even if I don't like that my son and daughter-in-law live so far away, it's a wonderful place to come visit (except for the dead of the summer and the 100-something temperatures, I don't care if it's a dry heat or not) and at least you're within driving distance.

Dear Body,

I don't know what's up with you. Why are you suddenly making it harder for me to walk when I was moving around pretty decently before? Why is it suddenly hard to bend over to mousse and dry my hair. These have always been my litmus test to how strong I am so I'm a little worried here. I thought after the Aredia infusion I had last week that I would be feeling stronger, not weaker. I'm hoping it was just the damp, dreary spring start that we had and not related at all to you know what.

Dear Motivation,

Whatever you do, don't let what Body is doing affect the things you want to do. You can kick Body into gear if you keep on moving, but already I have felt you slow down too. Get back to it!

Dear Hipstamatic,

Thank you for creating such a wonderful app so I can take pictures I love. Sometimes the results are disappointing, but it's user error, not you. I didn't realize how attached I have grown until I dropped my phone into my cup of coffee and had to do without you for half a day. It was agonizing. I love, too, the prints I finally had processed. It makes me love you even more.

Dear family

I've been reading "The Kneeling Christian". It has opened my eyes to what prayer can be like when prayed with a right and trusting heart and it has opened my heart to desire to pray more fervently, more specifically and more devoutly for you, for others and for me. In our family, we knew that my grandma was our great prayer warrior. It is my desire that I would be this for you, for others, for me. But at the same time, how much powerful it would be if you would join me on this journey.

Dear chocolate chip cookies,

What a delightful little treat you are. I must say we did a standup job of mixing all your ingredients up and baking you to the perfect consistency of golden brownness. You have made a tasty little treat as I wait for the kids to wake up and join me for breakfast.

At Last

Since my nephew, Brie and I headed for a photo walk last year roaming the streets of downtown LA, I've wanted to go back and shoot at Union Station. There was always one excuse or another.

On Friday, I told myself that no matter what, I was going to go on Saturday. Friday had been a good day. Only a very minor touch of nausea in the morning and I had more energy than I had hoped for. I felt ready to make the commitment.

On Saturday, I awoke, still feeling good. I had a brunch date with my bestie and her daughter, but that would in no way prevent me from making good on my promise to myself. When I got back from lunch, I passed out on my recliner, suddenly exhausted from staying up too late the night before and getting up early in the morning. I told myself this was in no way going to stop me from making good on my promise to myself. I would sleep until 3pm, okay, maybe 4pm and then head out.

I almost reneged on my promise, but I sensed it was now or never. Time to move. Time to stop making excuses. I dragged my sorry little body off my recliner, grabbed my keys and kissed Brie goodbye. I almost decided to turn around. I fought with myself the whole way there.

The moment I arrived, I was struck by the light. The glorious light.

It was just as I hoped it would be. I wandered the station taking pictures, at times boldly standing in the center of the walkways lining up my shots, at other times, trying to inconspicuously take pictures of an interesting character.

After a while, I decided to take advantage of the energy I felt and head across the street to Olvera Street for some more photos. I would have stayed longer, but I felt my leg start aching and decided that I should leave before I got too tired. I'm glad I listened to myself. The rest of the night, my leg ached, but it was well worth it.

As I reviewed my photos and critiqued the results, overall I was satisfied. I went, I shot and while I didn't conquer, I did learn. Next time, I want to move slower. I always move too quickly. I need to worry less about what others think and take my time. Wait for the right shot. Be still. Be patient.

It makes me excited to go back and try again.

Into the Light

She walked into my room in the early evening to tell me hello. I was tired out from my day at work, resting in bed. As she walked across the floor, her face caught the light. I hadn't realized how beautiful it was, streaming in from the open curtains of my window. It was almost as beautiful as her.

When they both met at a certain point, she looked ethereal, her face glowing in the light. She could tell by the look on my face something was up. The light, I exclaimed, begging her to let me take her picture. She was tired, she protested. I didn't wait, I sprung from my bed, thankful my camera was in my room. Please, I begged her.

If she knew how beautiful she looked bathed in the golden sunlight, she would have let me take a thousand pictures. She only half-willingly obliged. I couldn't get her to turn in the direction I wanted. I couldn't get her to take the steps so the sunlight hit her at just the right place.

I didn't get the shot I had hoped for, but I will always remember how beautiful she was anyway.