Monday, May 13, 2013

Heaven on Earth

I am a sappy sentimental sort, but not in the way I used to be. One of my most favorite stores used to be Hallmark where I would stock up on greeting cards that I would send to loved ones on every possible occasion. Mom often would encourage me to apply at the Hallmark several blocks away so I could get a discount. I did try once, but they were looking for someone with cashier's experience which I didn't have.

I've lost that part of me. I'm either too cheap to buy the cards or if I do, I just never get around to actually sending them. That makes me sad. What doesn't make me sad is the fact that my children don't send them to me either. My count of mother day's cards received from said children? Zero. Did that bother me? Not one bit. I know my children love me and the only thing I want from them is their gift of time.

Brie must have asked me three or four times what I would like for Mother's Day. I think it's sweet that she asks. It does make me feel good that she's at least thinking of buying me a gift, but really, I just want her to spend the day with me, allowing me to take photos of her without complaint. I want the day to be such that we're not rushed and there's casual, happy conversation as I direct her to look this way and that. I want to stop for lunch and then afterwards for dessert while she tells me what's been going on and what she's thinking about.

I want that time, too, with Matt, though I know he's not as likely to give me as much time snapping photos as Brie. But that's okay, Ashley knows how to give me a beautiful smile and is wonderful at coaxing the babies to do the same.

There is nothing like being a mom and being surrounded by the love of grown children. There is no satisfaction in the world like it. Sunday morning after Brie made my mom and me breakfast, we sat in the family room full and content. She lay in the couch across from me and I had a sudden longing for those moments when the children would climb over me and nestle in my arms. Yes, I miss those moments. That sweet smell of my babies, the warm softness of their skin, those fleeting moments.

But as I thought about the day, I realized, that the change in the relationship in many ways is far more rewarding. Then I was surrounded by them because that was their only option, but when I'm surrounded by them because that's their choice. That's heaven on earth.

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