The other day, I took the list I wrote on this blog on the first of August and wrote it down again in my notebook. I need the focus. When I wrote the list, I didn't expect to be able to cross everything off the list, but I expected to make a good effort. So far my effort has been sub-par. I don't want another weekend like last weekend. I want another month like July and I know that it's up to me.
For this reason, last Wednesday at Union Station did me good. Walking around with my camera in my hand, sharing the adventure with Acki, gave me the kick that I needed. I didn't take a lot of pictures, but I was pleased with most of the ones that I did take. It felt good, too, to take a different camera and a different lens. Scary, but good.
Scary because I know now what to expect with my 50mm on my Rebel, I've been using it for so long. The last few times I've taken out my 40D and my 80mm lens, the results have been so-so. Not Wednesday. I even got the shot I wanted of Acki for my photo project (another thing crossed off my list). And, no, that picture below of her isn't the one for my project.
I might have thought Friday was a failure. I meant to make it Film Friday, but turned around on my way to Samy's camera, deciding NOT to buy the roll of film I needed to make it happen. Then I nixed any idea I was nursing of heading to the beach when my car found its way going North on the 55. And instead of continuing on to Old Orange as my last minute stand in, I decided to stop at the Barnes and Noble on the way there. Barnes and Noble may not be the photo opportunity capital of the world, but I did enjoy my time there pursuing around the store and treating myself to a cup of joe and a cupcake.
Just when I thought I was going to leave the bookstore empty-handed, I ran into this little guy. The text on the spine did me in. Ok, little planner, if you say so. I may be grasping at straws because I know ultimately what I do with my life is up to me, not a little book, but I'm hoping that writing things down on paper will keep me focused and motivated.
On the drive home, dad called and asked if I would join him for dinner. Why not? I wasn't feeling tired and I didn't want to go home and procrastinate, plus it might give me the chance to talk to Aunt Sally about going with me to LA and to ask dad if we could go visit Uncle Frank. And it did!
Traffic was on the heavy side as I drove to dad's so I took the opportunity to call Sharonda and talk to her about coming out to visit. I felt at peace as I pulled onto dad's street. I was actually getting things done.
Saturday morning my devotional suggested that I said this prayer: God, I want to listen to you, not the voices of doubt. I want to hear you, and I promise then to obey you. I want to be one of the people that you can use and bless in the next ten years. I want those years to be a decade of destiny for me and my family.
Oh, man, that prayer spoke straight to my heart. I said that prayer, not once, but three times in succession. I said that prayer now, as I typed them onto this blog. When this all began, my mom asked for 15 years for me. For three and a half years, I believed her prayer was answered, but last year, I wasn't so sure. It's been almost five years now and to read this today and for it to say, "I want to be one of the people that you can use and bless in the next ten years", gives me that hope again.
Hope to live a life that pleases God. Hope to live a life that loves upon other. Hope to see my children follow and live out their dreams. Hope to see my grandchildren grow strong in the Lord. Hope to fulfill my own dreams of becoming a writer.
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