At the beginning of the year my focus was on my 365 photo a day project. It began with much promise especially since I was coming off of a setback. The fact that the first week of the year it felt so good to have my camera in my hand was an unexpected gift.
As the year progressed, it was hard to maintain the inspiration. Sometimes I took a shot just to take a shot. Even so I knew it would be unrealistic to expect to get a satisfying shot every day. When the day came that I decided to purposefully let the 365 day go, it came with more relief than I would have imagined.
It's a decision I still have not regretted to this day for several reasons. The more I tried to hold on to it, the more I felt I was making it my idol. For that reason alone, I needed to give it up. What I'm not prepared to do is give it up completely. In my pain, it's hard to care about taking photos. The desire for creativity does not dissipate, but the ability and drive does. Just the act of picking up my camera often hurts more than I would care to admit. Added to that is the inability to care enough to "see" through my lens. It's a hard place to be and when I'm there I worry that the drought may never end.
Last Sunday, I felt a sprinkling of hope again. I was wandering in the backyard purposefully looking for a shot. I managed to get down low to the ground for a different perspective. It felt so good to do more than just snap a shot for the sake of taking a picture. While the results over the last week haven't been what I've hoped, it feels good to go through the motion, as though I'm catching up with an old friend.
Yesterday, as I drank my coffee, I combed through my 365 project, reflecting on my pictures and words. I was grateful for the time I had dedicated to the project. It brought many memories, some forgotten, some still fresh as the moment they were created. It made me even happier that there seems to be an awakening in me again photographically. It is my desire to find a way to still grow in this craft. If I do, it has to be in the glory of God. It will not become my idol, but it will be my response to him and the goodness he brings to my life.
Today I am filled with gratitude for the beauty that photography has brought to my life.