Last night I went to bed a little after midnight. I should have been celebrating, it was Brie's 19th birthday. As I walked down the hall, Brie's door was still open, though her light was off. She was waiting for me to come say good night and, more importantly, wish her a happy birthday. Heaviness suddenly tugged at my heart.
This morning as I roused from my sleep, I was reminded of a November morning exactly 19 years ago. Back then I had gone to bed in such anticipation, much like the feeling on Christmas Eve, knowing that when I would awake, something magical was going to happen. Every November 5th I go back to that night and the events of the next day when Brie was born and I'm transported back to those wonderful memories. Today was no different.
It helped that Brie was in a most excellent mood. I was able to make us pancakes. We even managed to head to the park for some photographs. The weather was picture perfect, just like the day that she was born which I remind her of, each and every year. The best part of it was spending time together, laughing, loving enjoy the moment. All day long, her smile was bright. It made my heart light again.
I don't know what next year will bring. None of us does. Last night I went to bed afraid of what may be coming. Today, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I am here in the now, in the moment.
I am filled with gratitude that I could celebrate her life.